Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
