I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
