I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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