i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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