The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
