he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize