I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
