The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize