oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
