whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
