I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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