This girl is more easily done than said...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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