Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
