Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
