I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
