He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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