All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
