I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
