i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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