I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
