you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
