shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
