I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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