I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How naked do you want me to be?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
