my mouth tastes like poor choices
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
