That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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