I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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