I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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