oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
