i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
