just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
