Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
