Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
