i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
