it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize