He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
