I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
