I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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