My friends, they love my intelligence
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
