tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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