Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
