after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
