All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
