Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
