you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am spending my child support on dildos
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
