I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's official drugs can't kill me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
