So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize