im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
