Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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