Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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