oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
