I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is wine microwaveable?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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