I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
