just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
