yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize