His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
