had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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