I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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