Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a search helicopter?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
