He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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