The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
