I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
