I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
